Krupnik Cup 2019 Preview
A fresh start for the Championship's second decade.
The Board of Directors would like to welcome the new tournament director for 2019, Joti Gill. Joti has been a long-standing member of The Peanut Gallery, however her heckling skills have thus far outpaced her Bocce ability. Her career record sits at 5-16 with a point differential of -56. Hopefully Joti can overcome this shameful performance and begin a new chapter as a successful tournament planner.
The outgoing tournament director oversaw the previous 10 tournaments and cited "being tired of these mother-fuckers" as his reason for stepping down. He will instead transition to being a full time Bocce player and will try to win his first tournament since 2012.
The 2019 Tournament Field
This year's field is projected to be among the strongest ever. 4 of the 6 past champions that are still living (RIP Hoss) are in the field, and the only two who are missing are one-tournament wonder J-Hump and Mustache Ride team doctor Greg Dodge, both of whom actually suck and were lucky to win in the first place.
Overall, there are 15 competitors scheduled to partake. The board welcomes first time participant Katherine St. Clair. Katherine is a Kingston native which bodes well for her Bocce ability; however, she dates Mike which really calls her judgement into question. So, 50/50 I guess.
Players to Watch
1. Big Al Korcynski - BA finally shed the mantle of "Best to Never Win" last year, and is looking to solidify himself in the annals of history by becoming the first ever back-to-back winner.
2. Jer Barker - The 2016 Champ had a rough 2018 tournament, getting disqualified from two of his matches for overuse of his patented CJDT. He remains an ever-present threat to win and the expectation is that he will be back hungrier than ever.
3. Joti Gill - Despite her terrible previous performances, Joti is now the tournament director and could conceivably gerrymander the tournament to her advantage. From one of the conspirators in the "Kate Sharp is the #1 Player" scandal, nothing underhanded is out of the realm of possibility.
4. Chang - JK, JK... even though he rode a weak bracket to the finals last year he remains trash. Also hasn't slept in 18 months... baby is still a baby.
The course is shaping up to be extremely fast this year. Dry weather has baked the grass on the Septic Plateau and No-Jump Court leaving a rather challenging course set-up. Mitigating this is the new sand pile in front of the beach that will keep wayward balls out of the lake for those willing to play MB. There is also a new addition behind the shed where Jeff fucked Chang; John has begun to build a new shed and there is ripe territory to be explored in and around the structure.
1. Anik Waldeck, usually referred to as Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-nik, has been suspended for one year due to gin-related violations of the rules. Also, she smashed a ball off BA's block so now he's scared of her.