End of an Era. Exclusive interview with Chang, the legend continues.
What was the reason you were late in 2018?
I planned on being up at Calabogie by 10am for sure. I was really excited to be there at 10am. I had not seen a lot of those folks in a long time and I was excited to see everyone, especially because the forecast was predicting beautiful summer weather. Things came up with the baby in the morning. Everyone up there has kids, but that means they all know that you don’t make it out the door at the time you’d like to everyday.
What can you tell us about your mindset for the 2018 bocce?
I just felt like I wanted to have fun. Having fun means a chance to compete, to leave it all on the course, but I wanted to have fun. We only get to do this once a year so I wanted to maximize the fun out of the tournament.
You started the round robin play with some very unorthodox throwing motions?
I needed to find a throw: my throw. I wasn’t satisfied with my placings, so I needed to do things differently to get a different result. 2017 was a disastrous year where I don’t think I won a game.
What about the grenade bomb throws?
I was trying to find ways to put unique spins on the ball. The game is evolving. I wanted to find a way to put a left handed spin using a right handed throw. Also if it pissed off the Bocce Nazi, which is maybe why I kept doing it.
We’ll get back to that reference to Bocce Nazi. What about CCKT?
Just trying to get some points. I had some good results reading the terrain from the lower throwing point. I got some points, so I wanted to continue to effectively employ CCKT to earn points. I’m just like everyone else, just trying to earn a point on my throws.
How do you defend TBOG?
Got to know yourself, got to play within yourself. Rather than trying to play as somebody else, I played with what I’ve got on the Bocce course. I don’t need to use the same throwing form as Bocce Nazi.
What happened with the match with Jer? The controversial suspension.
Jer and I have had some tough matches on the Bocce pitch. We both want to compete and win. But we have always had a level of respect that is found amongst boxers. With boxers, what was said in the ring is supposed to stay in the ring. Jer was there, he can tell you what happened on the pitch on that day.
You sure you don’t have a comment?
No comment. That is between Jer and the bocce commission. I respect the man and the fact he did what he had to do. I respect a guy will to stand up to dictatorship aggression.
Your match versus Colin in the Semi-Finals?
We had a hard fought match. I learned to use TBOG to my advantage. I kept control of the pallino and did not relinquish it. I also got some big points when I used grenade throws to lodge my balls inside the stump of the tree on turtle’s back. Again, Colin and I played a gentleman’s game amongst gentlemen.
It seems like you’ve got a good rapport with the players. Why do you find yourself with so much controversy with bocce management?
It’s easier to say because he is no longer in power, but I call the commissioner: “Bocce Nazi” or “El Diablo” (Spanish is used to piss off Dave). He didn’t start out that way, but he has become el Diablo (the devil).
What about those who would argue that you unfairly benefited from the disqualification?
I give them the Joel Embiid response (on Jared Dudley): he’s a nobody. The Bocce Nazi dictates who I play, when I play. I played the players at the times he prescribed. I got the points I earned. Then he gets to call me trash for beating everyone except the champ.
Can you explain why?
It’s just not fun anymore to follow 1000 rules. Furthermore, the guy has the ability to call me “village idiot”, he calls me “trash” and he says I benefited from a “weak schedule” (i.e. Jer’s suspension). Why did you bring down that suspension then? Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted Jer to be suspended.
I just don’t understand how a guy finishes where that guy finishes and he gets to talk smack about you. From White Man Can’t Jump: “You score on me you can talk, shut me down than you can talk, but if you ain’t sh!t, you shut up”. Did I not come 2nd in the tournament? Prior to his chip in 2018, you can’t give credit to Big A being the best player that never won a championship… if coming 2nd place has no value.
Is he not a past two time champ?
That feels like a decade and 7 knee surgeries ago. Guy is more machine now than man…twisted and evil (Return of the Jedi….Obi Wan talking about Darth Vader).
What can you say about the surprise development that he is stepping down as commissioner?
I think it is time. I love the guy like a brother but I should write a book, “Loving Dave, Hating Neilson”. Best guy off the pitch, first guy you want to hit with a stick when you are on it. Now he can focus on just being a Bocce player again.
I say it’s end of an era. Like when the Los Pepos and Search Bloc gunning down Pablo Escobar on that roof top. Everybody wanted the dictatorship to end.
What are you thinking about the 2019 tournament?
I’ve got nothing to lose. I think the new commissioner should put me in Bocce Nazi’s pool. If he wins, I’m still trash. But if trash wins….well….
What are your thoughts on the new Commish?
Make if fun. Conduct an evaluation. “Do the opposite”.
There will only be one Muhammad Ali. There will only be one Chang.
David Neilson grew up in Kingston, ON. He attended Frontenac High School until he realized they were all losers and wisely transferred to LCVI. There he played elite basketball, racked up more hours of skipped class ever recorded by a student, and started bossing people around to harness his skills in dictatorship. Dave married Cynthia Humphries in 2008. He used his manipulation, circular logic rationales, and his girly typewriter quality handwriting to catapult himself to the commissioner of the bocce tournament.
Dave’s criminal career started early: in high school. He was charged with running a "capo” regime like the Italian mofia: “la cosa nostra”. LCVI management depicted a pyramid structure. Dave as the godfather. Capo lieutenants of: Chang, Rob Julien, Denis S. and Zach Dundas. Convictions were on “the banana peel incident”, intimidation and fear mongering techniques. Once in control of the bocce tournament, Dave’s corruption knew no limit. Like a Sith Lord, he commonly used deception and deceit to gain influence over other board members to pass his loonie toon rules, judgments, and protocols. As one past champion stated: “ I've done a LOT of stupid things at the cottage. Trust me, I'm acutely aware of this fact. This wasn't one of them - any accusation of disobeying the rules is baseless.” Another finalist described has: “This guy is unbelievable. Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-il, Mao Zedong, Adolf Hitler…this guy takes a page from all these evil dictators. Above all, the guy reminds me of Pablo Escobar: loved by those who he does corrupt favours for, but really he is el Diablo (the devil)”.
An assessment of his 10 year reign demonstrated a 1000% increase in the number of rules, a rigid and micromanagement tournament structure, a complete closure for change and innovation. The tournament removes the element of fun, and has increased the number of domestic relationship disputes by 500%. Things like CJDT, CCKT, BARSWA are outlawed because somebody would rather have a rule book and a clock up his rectum than have everyone enjoy the sun, the cottage, their friends, and the beloved game of bocce.
Removal from power, (Figurative) Death and aftermath
After years of stagnant tournament structure(s), fights, reduced enrolment, members of the bocce tournament started to tune the Bocce Nazi out (see CJDT to the point of disqualification). The peanut gallery became tired of his rule book and began petitioning for involvement in the decision making process. Using their new found vote, the peanut gallery orchestrated an aggressive and hostile vote movement to land Kate as the number 1 seed in the 2018 pre-rankings. To remove him from power, the “Los Pedne” (for Escobar…it was the Los Pepos) developed levels of insubordination that Bocce Nazi could no longer accept: leading to him volunteering to step down. The “Los Pedne” ended Bocce Nazi’s career as commissioner.
The aftermath was the peanut gallery's ultimate take over of the bocce tournament.
From the Peanut Gallery inauguration: “Tonight, in this election, you, the Humphries Cottage faithful, reminded us that while our road has been hard, while our journey has been long, we have picked ourselves up, we have fought our way back, and we know in our hearts that for the people of the Humphries Cottage, the best is yet to come.” (from Obama’s speech)
CCKT – Classic Chang Kneeling Throw
BARSWA – Big Al Random Sex With Amy
Los Pedne – Those “persecuted by Dave Neilson”. A secret society of players that can’t stand being shackled with rules and abuse of power.